Utter Failment

Dear Republicans (not created by me)

2009-09-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

Fuck you. No, I'm not joking. I'm sick of this bullshit.

I'm sick of the way you've corrupted the public discourse. The way you've made it acceptable to hurl any insult you like at public officials. The way you blame us for the current atmosphere of hatred by accusing us of starting it with hating Bush. Like Bush didn't come on the heels of eight years of your tireless efforts to destroy Clinton by any means necessary, like Bush didn't give us good reason to complain. A couple of posters on a website compared Bush to Hitler and you've used it as free license to compare Obama to Hitler 24/7 and I'm sick of your hypocrisy, where it's acceptable to say shit about Obama that you would have had an apoplectic fit (and did) if anything remotely similar had been said about your guys. Keith Olbermann calls Cheney a fascist when he was actually using fascist tactics and you think that gives you the freedom to call Obama a fascist, socialist, Marxist constantly for no reason at all. Fuck you and your bullshit false equivalency.

I'm sick of the way you've made the populace stupid. Around a fifth of your populace thinks the sun orbits the earth, over half think evolution never happened. Your populace actually believe the media has a liberal bias. Not because it has, you have the most conservative media in the free world, but because you've shouted it so loud and so often that you've brainwashed the public into believing it, like the battered wife who parrots her husband's insults. You've got a whole segment of the populace shouting about socialism and fascism and none of them know what the fucking words mean. You've convinced them that fascism is a left-wing thing. You've got them so turned around that some of them actually believe global warming isn't happening. Fuck you.

I'm sick of the way you try to destroy the whole concept of government. You've tricked the people into believing that government can't do anything right, always being careful to exclude the army because you love your bullets and bombs but you've so destroyed the public's ability to reason that they don't even think of interstate highways, the space program, the national parks program, etc. Government is always great when it's doing what you tell it and inevitably corrupt when it isn't. Fuck you.

I'm sick of your rewriting of history. You've bleated so loud and long that Reagan was a great president, that the New Deal didn't work, that cutting taxes increases revenues, that you actually have the people believing this bullshit. And these are the same people who will go on to become teachers and fill their student's heads with this self-same bullshit. Reagan was a mediocre president at best who had the good fortune to be in power when the USSR collapsed under it's own weight and you bastards have turned him into the Second Coming. You've rewritten history so that everything foul and hateful and wrong can be attributed to a Democrat while everything worthwhile is a Republican's glory. Fuck you.

I'm sick of your dragging the center ever further to the right. How many whackjob fringe ideas have you dragged into the mainstream? The aforementioned idea that tax cuts increase revenues, the Laffer Curve, the idea that Welfare harms the poor, the idea that there's rampant fraud in Welfare, the idea that whatever is good for corporations is good for the country. And you push these ideas through your corporate media and you do it so long and loud that they become part of the accepted political landscape and because it is easier to tell a lie than to debunk one, we never get away from this rancid shit. Fuck you.

I'm sick of your casual criminality. Teddy Kennedy, a man who's boots you were not worthy to lick, was just buried and all I've heard from my rightist friends for days is Chappaquiddick, Chappaquiddick, Chappaquiddick. Your fucking golden boy raped the Constitution, mainly because he wanted to; tortured random people (and waterboarding is torture, fuck you too) essentially because he wanted to; spent like a drunken sailor, essentially because he wanted to; invaded a sovereign nation, essentially for the loot and destroyed people's lives, essentially for the evilulz and you bastards are obsessed with a fucking accident a Democrat had decades ago? You don't go on about Laura Bush killing some guy decades ago. Fuck you.

I'm sick of you praising pure evil. You're letting Dick Cheney be the standard-bearer for Republicanism. Dick Cheney, a man so nakedly evil that even his friends call him "Darth"; a man so callous that Lex Luthor would recoil in terror; a man who probably has dismembered hitchhikers in those man-sized safes and kills plants by his mere proximity. Fuck you.

I'm sick of your attempts to tilt the playing field permanently in your favor. Democrats filibustered a few of Bush's most hateful judicial picks and you pricks started screaming about doing away with the filibuster but now you're in the minority, you're filibustering absolutely everything you can and whining when you don't get the chance. You ignored everything the Democrats had to say when you had power and now that you don't, you scream that everyone must be bipartisan. You don't budge a fucking inch on anything but you insist that everyone must compromise to meet you. That's your idea of politics: Don't move an inch, force the other guy to come to the right to meet you and call the result a "compromise". Fuck you.

I'm sick of your corporatism. You dress it up in false populism but anyone with half a brain can see that you're the brought and paid for subsidiary of big business. You keep pushing tax cuts as the answer for absolutely everything, you keep sabotaging every attempt to control the excesses of big business. You genuinely think the world would be a better place if it was a combination of Bill Gibson's dystopian vision of a corporate dominated world and Ayn Rand's bullshit Objectivism, yet another entry in mankind's endless attempts to find a moral justification for naked greed. You've taken the clinically insane spewings of a woman literally to the right of Hitler (pardon my Godwins) and the 1984-like vision of a dystopian author and convinced yourselves that would be a good place to live. Big business is the enemy of the people, always has been. The ideal for the corporate class is to have a small pool of people rich enough to buy their fucking crap and a much larger pool of people so poor and with so few options that they can be used and abused at the corporation's whim. A corporation's objective is not to look after you, it is to make ever-larger profits by any means necessary. You bastards want to reinstate fucking slavery to the corporate class and you've made the public so fucking stupid that they actually swallow the bullshit you're serving up, they actually want to enslave themselves to the corporations that abuse them at every turn. They actually care more about the corporations right to make obscene profits than they care about their child's right to live on a habitable planet. Fuck you.

Fuck you, you scumridden shitehawks, you make me sick. Just fuck off and die.

I don't want to get on a rant here but...

2009-07-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

The vast majority of computer owners don't know shit about what's inside the tower. They are perfectly happy that they can memorize their ram and hard drive size. And their idiot friends just nod their head in agreement thinking their their new computer is bad ass. Like those new ads where Microsoft buys someone a computer that's not a Mac. It has to do with price. If you spend more money now, it will save you money in the long run. So most people will buy a $500 computer that will run good for a few months then start to lag. When it fails on them (oh, how it will fail on them), they bitch and moan and take it in to a computer shop, Geek Squad, or a friend who knows more about computers than they do. Computer repair shops would not exist without the pre-manufactured computer companies (Dell, Gateway, etc.) not pushing the capabilities of their machines. If Vista requires only 2GB of ram to function well after initial start up by the consumer, that's all the computer companies will put in the machines. If the for-mentioned companies would max out the ram for that particular mobo or at least put half the maximum in, half of the computer shops out there would be gone. Instead of adding more ram when your computer starts to slow down, max the ram out and you wouldn't have to keep upgrading the computer. Obviously people would still need computer shops to clear out their virus', but that's the fault of Microsoft.

Computer repair should be taught at the High School level, just like shop. If they offer you a class to fix small engines, they can just as easily teach you to install a processor. Instead they teach you how to use it. The more people know about what's inside the computer, the better. These companies would have to start manufacturing better computers, since no one would want a computer that's slow as hell compared to what they could make with some extra cash and a free weekend. Once I'm done building my new computer, I'll never buy a pre-made one again, unless I get a laptop. I have no idea how to fix those.

Of course, that's my opinion. I could be wrong.

In search of the past, concluded

2009-07-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

I had this week off from work, so I thought it would be a wonderful time to drive to Leon, Iowa and attempt to find my father. Tuesday morning I woke up early and started on my 8 hour, 460 mile trip. I hopped on Highway 41 south, then jumped on Highway 151 into Iowa. 151 to 30, 30 to I-80, I-80 to I-35, I-35 to 2. Basically to sum that up, south to south west, south west to west, west to south, repeat.

I arrived in Leon around 3:30 pm. found a motel. The town is roughly 1,500 for population. Surprisingly, though, they do not have a McDonalds. They do have a Dairy Queen. I drove past the address I had and there was no car in the driveway. Back to the motel for a few hours until hunger set in. Stop at this steakhouse a mile from the motel. Not a bad place at all. They are, however, a little over zealous by calling themselves Leon's oldest steakhouse. I have a problem with this because they've only been open for a year. If they had competition as a steak house, you wait at least 5 years before you start declaring yourself this and that.

The waitress and I started talking and the conversation turned to my father. She didn't know him, but helped me look in a phone book. The results were disappointing; he wasn't in the phone book. A little defeated, I returned to the motel for the night.

The next morning I filled up the car for the drive home and drove past the address once again. There was a car in the driveway, and anxiety kicked in big time.

Sorry, I have no desire to finish this at this time, processing new information.

Pushing Play, part 2

2009-06-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

P90X - Day 43

Its the start of week 7. Chest, shoulders and triceps. This is the last time I'll be doing this disk until week 10, as week 8 is a recovery week and week 9 I'll be doing stuff from the first month again. I think I brought it today because halfway through I had to stop. My arms felt like heavy jello. I'm also going to have to buy a lighter resistance band for the tricep moves. Some moves I can barely do.

I've fallen off the diet program as well. I'm not talking about eating foods I'm not supposed to be eating, because everyone does that. I'm talking about the foods I should be eating as listed in the nutrition book. I haven't lost any weight in 2 weeks. You could argue that I'm gaining muscle weight to match fat loss, but My belly fat hasn't really changed at all. I really need to focus on getting back on that starting today.

On the positive side, I'm noticing more strength and firmness from my muscles. I'm almost halfway home and its making me giddy.

In search of the past

2009-06-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

In pursuit of knowing where my family has come from, I've started a family tree. I've gotten as far as my Great-Grandparents on my mom's and step-father's side. Through a discussion with an uncle recently, I found out that my great-great-great grandfather came to this country from Germany at the age of 4, and my grandma's family came from Prussia. That's my mom's side, on my step-father's side, the name Ferguson started in Scotland. Part of that clan set up roots in Ireland, which is a great excuse for getting trashed on St. Patty's day.

As for my father, I knew nothing about him. I have been under the impression that I was a bastard, and that has given me some pride. I was happy with that. Some people are ashamed by it, but not me!

A recent trip to my mom's changed all that. I asked her about my father, wanting his name and a little background history between the two. She does one better and pulls out papers from back in the day. Turns out she went to a carnival to meet someone and met Kenneth James Barbee, my father, instead. She chalks this up to a "wild year" and ended up moving in with him to his home state of... Alabama.

Then my mom tells me something I never expected. Her and Ken were married for 3 months. During that period, I was conceived. Luckily for me she divorced him and moved back to Wisconsin to live with her sister, and I was born in this great state. Plan and simple, fuck that backwards state.

So I went from prideful bastard to son of divorced parents. Luckily the FSM was listening, because the next news was even more wonderful. When my mom met Ken at the carnival, he was working there. That's right, my father is a carnie!!! I could have done backflips after hearing that. Everything started fitting into place. Now when I act stupidly, I can blame the Alabama genes I have. I've always hated "Sweet Home Alabama", now I can blame my father for that.

I am the son of a carnie (yay) from Alabama (damn it). I searched his name. I think I've located him in Iowa. My next long weekend I'm thinking about driving down there to see if its him or not. If it is, I think I'll hyper-ventilate. If not, I'll come home and try again to find him.

Pushing play, part 1.

2009-06-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

P90X - Day 36

My personality is more impulse than planning. I'll lightly think of something to do, then do it all of a sudden after months of no thought of it at all. Why I'm posting this blog on day 36 instead of day 1 is tribute to that.

I had seen the commercials for the P90X workout series for many moons and kept telling myself that I should buy that. After all, who doesn't want to look like a million bucks after only 90 days? For some reason, however, I kept putting it aside and telling myself that I'll buy it later.

In the month of May, Amanda and I had returned home after setting up an appointment for me to get fitted for my tux. I hopped on the computer, grabbing my wallet out of my jeans pocket, and ordered P90X without a second thought. Now, why did I purchase it so hastily? The answer is quite simple. Once the tux is ordered, I'm stuck with it. Sure, minor alterations can be made, but the general size isn't going anywhere. I had 2 months to lose as much weight as I could. 2 months to look my best 6 months later for pictures that will last for longer than I will live.

Less than a week later it was in my house. In the workout book, there is a section that is not attached to the spine of the book. In it, it lists all these different things you can buy to help with the program: protein bars, recovery formula, yoga blocks, resistance bands, heart rate monitors, etc. There is even a website you can go to to talk to other people just like you who are doing this program. It dawned on me that this program isn't just out there to be out there on the market, this program is the real deal. This is not only a physical change, its a lifestyle change.

A nutrition guide is also included that tells you exactly what to eat every single day of the program. It gives you alternatives and shows you how to eat smarter. Since starting this program, the only "fast food" establishment I have set foot in is Subway, and that doesn't really count. I'm watching what I eat. I stopped drinking soda... for 2 weeks. Quitting cold turkey was harder than I thought. I still drink soda, but way less that I was before. And for a big shocker, I, Matthew James Ferguson, has not had any alcohol since May 9th. Coming from a guy who has had over 80 different kinds of beer, that is big enough news to stop traffic... on the Beltline... during rush hour... on a Friday afternoon... at the start of a 3 day weekend.

As I was looking through the workout book, I get to a section that asks "What can you expect?" The last one is in bold letters: And you can expect to sweat. A lot. I decided to do the stretch exercises the day before I started the program. I was sweating halfway through the DVD. A few other lines stick out in my head, Do your best and forget the rest, Forget "I can't" and say, "I presently struggle with", Don't just kind of do it, and the two words you see just before you start a workout: Bring It.

I started on May 17th and will continue pushing play until August 14th. After that day, I will rest for a little while until I start "Day 1" all over again.

The best job ever.

2008-12-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

When it snows in Green Bay before a home game, the Packers organization puts out a call for volunteers to come to the stadium and help shovel snow of the bleachers and walkways. I answered that call in what I would say is the best job I've ever had. ($8/hour)

It started at 9 a.m.. About 300 of us were led through the Mills Fleet Farm gate on the south-west side, into a storage area. There we signed in and grabbed a shovel. We came into the stadium on the South side. Make-shift slides were set up to set the snow on and watch it slide down onto the field, where it was scooped up by machines and taken out through the players tunnel. After we had a section done, we'd pick up the "slide" and moved it North. This happened 3 times until we were finished. Before we started, the put this blue stuff on the snow to help break up the ice. Think salt, but blue. It made everything slushy and got in your shoes and soaked your socks. After we were done, we handed in our shovels and got a slip of paper saying we worked, etc. We had to take those to the ticket window outside to get paid. I got a cool $18.

winter driving skillz... I haz dem

2008-12-03T18:44:00.000-08:00

The winter season is upon us, and like smart people, I have changed my driving habits. Usually I drive defensively, in the winter, I get even more on defense. You never know where there is ice or if your brakes will work in the snow. Today I witnessed an accident that could have been prevented. Some kid driving a Ford SUV driving north, tried to beat a Trailblazer, driving south, by turning left. Had there been no snow, he might have made it. The snow made conditions slick, and his wheels spun trying to beat the oncoming vehicle. The end result was the Trailblazer hitting the brakes and sliding into the side of the Ford.

I pulled over and made sure everyone was OK and to talk to the police, since I was a witness. I wasn't really needed, since the kid owned up to it, but I still did my friendly citizen thing and offered my assistance.

Com'on wisconsinites! We get snow every f'kn year. We should know to drive slow and be extra cautious. Soon we'll be compared to FIBs. Schools do Driver's Ed in the winter because anybody can drive when its 70 degrees outside.

So brake early, don't drive to fast, and don't push your luck. This message sponsored by insurance companies and mechanics.

2008-11-18T07:18:00.000-08:00

Last Monday I picked up my new car, 2005 Ford Focus. Seems everyday I drive it I find something new about it. I didn't know where the trunk release was until 4 days later. For a 4-banger, its got some get-up-and-go to it.

This past weekend, I went down to my mom's. My brother was down too, so mom made us put the lights on the roof. Now while I like visiting my mom, I get bored easily. I thought a friend didn't have to work, I was wrong. So I got hold of a friend in Madison. I met him and his wife at The Malt House. This place boasts over 170 beers, a superb whiskey list, and its where Union solders had their last beer before heading south to fight in the civil war. If you go there to drink Bud, your in the wrong place. You can hold conversations with others and hear them, which is a plus for me. If I live in Mad-town, its where I'd drink.

ENOUGH ALREADY!

2008-11-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

Since Wednesday, people have been coming up to me and telling me the latest joke about Obama. Now, I enjoy a good joke like everyone else. But when its flat out racist, keep it to yourself!

Its over

2008-11-06T20:22:00.000-08:00

After 2 long years this election is finally over. Congratulations to Barack Obama, who not only brings the change of the political party in the White House, but makes us realize that we CAN judge a person by the content of their character, and not just by the color of their skin. Not only did America want Barack Obama, but the rest of the world wanted Obama. People cheered from Obama, Japan to England and everywhere in-between.

*raises shot glass* Here's to peace and prosperity.

Civic Duty

2008-11-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

I voted today. I live in district 10, ward 19, right across the street from me is ward 20. The polling place is 2 blocks from me, and since its nice today I walked. The lines were not bad at all. They had 5 spots for paper ballots and 1 for machine. I don't trust those machines at all. I don't want some software (mistakenly or not) switching my vote.

I voted for "That One"

GO OBAMA!

My other car is the Millennium Falcon

2008-10-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

Time for a new car. My current vehicle, a 1997 Pontiac Sunfire nicknamed "The Cumstain" needs to go. I've driven it to 7 states since I've bought it in 2003. I've put over 100,000 miles on it. I've sucked the life out of it and need something different. It still gets me to where I need to go, but no longer fun to drive. Its old and not worth the hassle of replacing parts. I could go on and on why I need something new. Bottom line: I need a new car.

My dad picked out my first car, a 1994 Dodge Shadow. Not bad for a starter car. It held up alright, only major problem was the radiator took a dump and had to be replaced. After about 7 months working my first full time job out of high school, I suddenly had the urge to get a new car. My dad once again picked out a car for me. I didn't like it and we went to another dealer. And there it was sitting in the back. Calling to me to walk over and buy it a drink, strike up a conversation and take it home to explore every inch of her curves and make her engine purr all night long!

Now that I've got some money in the bank, the urge is back again. This time I've used the series of tubes known as the "Internets" to look at different cars, do research and look at specs, etc. I wanted a small car with a hatchback. I can't explain why other than I really want one. After days of back-and-forth debating in my head, I came down to 2 potential canidates. A 2007 Chevy Aveo LS and a 2005 Ford Focus ZX5 SES. Both offer a30+ mpg, though the ford has a bigger gas tank. There are actually 2 Aveo's that I had my eye on. Both are at the same dealer, though one is $500 cheaper. The more expensive Aveo is in the color I want (Orange). And I've always had a thing against Fords. So lots of things in my head about what to get.

In the end, the Ford won out. I'll go to the dealer next weekend and look at my potenial new car.

Life checkpoint reached, saving game.

2008-10-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Me and the lady are getting better. We're spending more time together and talking things out more. To help the situation, I got us a room at Sybaris next weekend. Hopefully that will increase the spark between us.

I'm getting into video games more, much to the dismay of Amanda. Back when I bought the Playstation 1, I was reading reviews online as well as subscribing to magazines. This carried over to my first PS2. Then video games took a backseat to my ongoing quest to get laid and increase my alcohol intake. Now with the PS3, I'm starting to, slowly but surely, get back into it more. There are a lot of games I need to be playing right now and more great games to come.

roller coster of a week

2008-10-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

Well the week started out good. Coming of the karma boost from my friend's wedding I was looking forward to this week. And then the wheels came off the relationship. We were apart for about 2 days then agreed to try to work it out. In a weird way, we needed this. A wake up call, if you will, to our relationship.

Work sucked this week. We were 2 men down Thursday and Friday. One of those guys was gone on Wednesday too. I had to cover for him, meaning other people did my job and nobody does it my way. I think I got caught up yesterday.

2008-10-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend was my long time friend Aimee Imse's wedding. I hadn't seen her in 4 years. Went into the church, first person I saw was her step-father. He remembered me, just couldn't remember the name. After he finally remembered me, Aimee's mom, sister, and brother-in-law came up and said their hellos. I was surprised they all remembered me. Just before the wedding started, this girl Tina came and sat next to me. She was somebody I've met at Aimee's house before. We ended up talking all night. At the reception, Aimee's matron of honor Nicole was asking me questions, trying to figure out who I was, and if we had ever met before. I like being remembered. Strokes my ego a little bit that they liked me enough to remember me.

There was an open bar and I fully took advantage of that. At the hotel, there was a bar right across the hallway. After the reception ended and the booze was packed up, I headed to the bar. After a few minutes, I went back to the reception room and there was this woman who was looking for her husband. I knew where he was at the bar, so I led her to him. When we got to him, she told him "this handsome, nice gentleman led me to you." He bought me a drink

On Sunday, went to her mom and step-father's house to open gifts. Got there early enough and her mom made me help prepare food. After that was over, I said my goodbyes and I made it to Irish's in Fond du lac 20 minutes before the Packer game.

Spaming without knowing

2008-10-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

Blog was locked out. Apparently I was mistaken for a spam blog. I'm sure it happens to everybody.

Holy crap was today good. I stopped at mcdonalds after work and a juggalo homie was working drive-thru. He gave me some free apple pies. I got ANOTHER check in the mail from Liberty Mutual. This one for $1,135.33 I also noticed something on the check statement that I may have missed on the last one. It says PPD 122.45 weeks @ $262.00 = $32,081.91 So I'm thinking I'll get the 32 grand TOTAL and they are postponing paying me off in full. Whatever, as long as they're sending me money, I don't care.

I was told that I was expected to have some political stuff on here as well. So here goes:

Bush has failed as a "fiscal conservative" It seems all "fiscal conservatives" fail. Reagan, Bush Sr. and now Bush Jr. Now why do republicans always make it seem that a "tax and spend" liberal is bad for the country? If I recall, Clinton took the Dow-Jones, which when he took office was around 3,310 and MORE THAN TRIPLED it to 10,587. Bush has wasted what Bill Clinton worked hard to give to this country; a strong dollar, jobs here in America instead of over seas, financial security. Seems to me that a "tax and spend" liberal is just what this country needs. We had 8 years of a liberal and 8 years of a conservative. Which 8 years was better for you? Bill Clinton talked about building a bridge to the 21st century. I'm pretending that Bush is troubled water and that Obama will complete the bridge.

John McCain was in La Crosse, WI. today. Former Governor and former Sec. of Health and Human Services Tommy Thompson was behind him, not really smiling, just kinda standing there and clapping along. Maybe he's upset because he ran for president and failed, or maybe its because he can't believe he has to stand there to show support McCain. I liked Tommy when he was Governor. When he became HHS Sec. I thought "good for him" I'm guessing he left right after Bush started his 2nd term when he realized what a idoit he was and didn't want to support his policy's anymore.

If it helps you get through the day, its a-ok!

2008-10-02T20:11:00.000-07:00

As many a person knows about me, I enjoy a fine beverage made with malts, hops, and barley. I like going the pub and washing the taste of a hard days work with a hearty adult beverage. The vast majority of my liquid intake at a bar is beer, however I have been known to enjoy a Sour Old Fashioned. Usually I'm right up at the bar, chatting away with friends.

I've searched the interwebs and found some delightful quotes about my favorite beverage that I think you'll enjoy.

DOE RE MI BEER, by Homer J. Simpson.

DOUGH... the stuff...that buys me beer...
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
FAR..... the distance to my beer
SO...... I think I'll have a beer...
LA...... La la la la la la beer
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
That will bring us back to...(Looks into an empty glass)
D'OH!

"What can the Brits tell us Czechs about the quality of beer? It's as if we Czechs went to France and told them how to make champagne." --Jan Vesely, chairman of the Czech Brewing and Malthouse Association, after CAMRA called to question the quality of some Czech beers

SAM: What'd you like, Normie?
NORM: A reason to live. Give me another beer. --Cheers

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." --Homer Simpson

"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. Salvation in a can!" - Dave Howell

"Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink." --Gore Vidal

"Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer, and denies you the beer to cry into." --Don Marquis, 1878-1937, American journalist

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." --Oscar Wilde

"Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinkers Soul......Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." --Jack Handy

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." --Tom Waits

"Good ale, the true and proper drink of Englishmen. He is not deserving of the name of Englishman who speaketh against ale, that is good ale." --George Borrow

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world." --Kaiser Welhelm

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober." --William Butler Yeats

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer." --Henry Lawson

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." --Frank Sinatra

"Here sleep in peace a Hampshire grenadier,
Who caught his death by drinking cold small beer;
Soldiers, take heed from his untimely fall,
And when you're hot, drink strong, or not at all." --Epitaph on a soldier's grave

"The pub knows a lot, almost as much as the churches." --Joyce Carey

"Show me a nation whose national beverage is beer, and I'll show you an advanced toilet technology." --Mark Hawkins in the New York Times, 1977

"Why should mother go without her nourishing glass of Ale or Stout on washing day?" --1920s anti-temperance slogan

"I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't find a drink." --Tom Waits

"Wine is but a single broth, ale is meat, drink and cloth." --English proverb

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk in order to spend time with his friends." --Ernest Hemingway

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." --Henny Youngman

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." --Winston Churchill

"My people must drink beer." --Frederick the Great

"Life alas, is very drear. Up with the glass, down with the beer!" --Louis Untermeyer

"The Church is near by the road is icy. The bar is far away but I will walk carefully." --Russian Proverb

"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety." --William Shakespeare

"God made yeast, as well as dough, and he loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." --Stephen Wright

"Whiskey and Beer are a man's worst enemies... but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!" --Zeca Pagodinho

"One pint of beer ... equals 1/2 college credit in philosophy." --Raymond Hankins

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." --W. C. Fields

"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." --Homer Simpson

"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." --Tucker Max

"For drink, there was beer which was very strong when not mingled with water, but was agreeable to those who were used to it. They drank this with a reed, out of the vessel that held the beer, upon which they saw the barley swim." --Xenophon, c.435-c.354 B.C., Greek historian

"Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship. To sink a few cold ones with the blokes is both an escape and a confirmation of belonging." --Rennie Ellis

"No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn." --Samuel Johnson

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" --Brian O'Rourke

"I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death." --Jack Kerouac

"Pure water is the best gifts a man can bring. But who am I that I should have the best of anything? Let princes revel at the pump, let peers with ponds make free...beer is good enough for me." --Lord Neaves

"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?" --W.C. Fields

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." --Frank Zappa

"Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live." --Socrates

"For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King." --William Shakespeare

SAM: What'll you have Normie?
NORM: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
SAM: Looks like beer, Norm.
NORM: Call me Mister Lucky. --Cheers

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." --Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." --Dave Barry

"Why do I drink? So that I can write poetry." --Jim Morrison

WOODY: How's it going, Mr. Peterson?
NORM: Poor.
WOODY: I'm sorry to hear that.
NORM: No, I mean pour. --Cheers

A mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer." --Ancient Egyptian adage

"I've always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap." --Rudyard Wheatley

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." --Cliff Clavin (Cheers)

"O Beer! Guinness, Allsopp, Bass! Names that should be on every infant's tongue!" --C.S. Calverley

"She never tasted it -- it can't be tasted in a sip!'" --Charles Dickens

"..and I will make it felony to drink small beer." --William Shakespeare

"Beer drinking doesn't do half the harm of lovemaking." --Eden Philpotts

"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." --Mark Twain

"I do not remember the poor creature, small beer." --William Shakespeare

"You can never buy beer. You just rent it. --Archie Bunker

"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." --Al Bundy

"Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and to celebrate the good days." -- Ancient Egyptian Credo

SAM: What do you know there, Norm?
NORM: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me? --Cheers

"I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night." --Ancient Greek Proverb

"I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me." --W.C. Fields

"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol." --Anonymous

COACH: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
NORM: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one. --Cheers

"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life." --Anonymous

"Life's too short to drink cheap beer." --Anonymous

"Drink triple, see double and act single." --Anonymous

"When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer." --Dave Barry

"There can't be good living where there is not good drinking." --Ben Franklin

"You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey - the sacred incense of the drinking man." --Bruce Aidells

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." --Catherine Zandonella

"I drink to make other people interesting." --George Jean Nathan

"Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire." --David Rains Wallace

"America is a country of beer, not wine, drinkers." --Tom Dalldorf

"Beer, if drunk in moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health." --Thomas Jefferson

"I'll have another beer. I'm not driving." --Father Theodore, Trappist monk

"The government will fall that raises the price of beer." --Czech saying

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." --Dave Barry

"Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow." --Cicero

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine." --David Moulton

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." --Jack Handy, deep thoughts

"I recommend..bread, meat, vegetables, and beer." --Sophocles

COACH: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
NORM: Daddy wuvs you. --Cheers

"Beer is a wholesome liquor....it abounds with nourishment." --Dr. Benjamin Rush, American physician

"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking ale today." --Edgar Allan Poe

"I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds." --Ernest Hemingway

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Ernest Hemingway

"Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer." --Frekerick William

"Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand." --Fritz Maytag, American brewer

"Spring is here, so let's have a beer." --Randal G. Sprecher

"There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better." --Stephen Morris

"Put it back in the horse!" --H. Allen Smith, after he drank his first American beer.

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." --Humphrey Bogart

"I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion." -- Miguel de Cervantes

Worldly possessions

2008-09-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

What makes the world go 'round. Stuff, things, goods... no matter how you say it, the more you own, the happier you are. And forget that Commandment about "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods". Purchasing things helps keep the economy going. Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "Ol come all ye faithful", you wanna get one too. (RIP George Carlin)

Therefore, it is my duty to purchase a few things with a check that I got from the insurance company for my hand. Last week it was two 19" flat screen LCD HD display monitors, a new bed, and my lovely lady a new wedding ring. This week I finished my little shopping spree with a playstation 3 and a 32" flat screen LCD HDTV with 1080p display. Every color is bright, crisp and reminds you that drool is not attractive.

This blog would be longer, but I have to get ready to leave for work.

I enjoy being hurt

2008-09-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

No, really. I do.

You get sympathy from friends and complete strangers alike. They put YOUR needs first. If your walking down the street with a physical sign that your injured, like crutches or a cast, people go out of their way to make sure that your needs are put above their own. People open doors and help pick up stuff you dropped. It shows the true nature of us evolved primates (even the ones who believe in a superior being in the sky, you may know this being as the Flying Spaghetti Monster).

Having said all that, I hate being hurt.

The constant worrying about taking your pills on time and remembering them when your out and about defeats the purpose of sympathy. The sharp pains and constant reminder that you are indeed injured is most unwelcome. Sure, people make conversation with you about what your going through and act concerned,but unless they too are hurt, they really have no idea. If you bump what is hurt, you grimace your face and you hold that spot, desperately trying to relieve the pain.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm injured again.

Long story short I bruised my ribs at work on Monday. They didn't start hurting until I got home. Tuesday morning I talked to the on-site physical therapist. 1. to report the injury and 2. to see what her opinion is. She told me to take some ibuprofen and ice the spot. I tried that, but to no avail. So Friday I went back to the physical therapist and had her call the hospital to set up an x-ray. X-rays came back negative. Nothing broken or cracked. Just a big bruise.

(side story. All hospitals have that same Earth-tone color scheme going to try and relax you. Whites and beige and light blues. I'd like to go to one where an interior decorator designed it, who is just out of college and who barely passed. That would throw a wrench in the monotony of hospitals. As long as the nurses and doctors do their job extremely well, the color scheme shouldn't matter.)

Doc gave me vicodin, sorry but it aint working. Every time I expand my lungs to breathe, sneeze, yawn, etc I feel a sharp stabbing pain. I even got a nice new bed on Thursday and can't even enjoy it. If I lay down, pressure is placed on my ribs, making breathing difficult. The only solution I've found so far is sitting on the bed with my against the wall using blankets and pillows to support me. I've got a follow up at a good jolly time: 8:45 Friday morning. Which is fine, but I don't work until noon. Depending on when I leave the hospital, I'll probably drive around town for a few hours. Maybe I'll stop over at the Republican House, where the Republican Party was founded in the next door School House. Least I forget my antagnist ways, I'll be wearing this shirt.